I have been thinking about personal relationships.

What I have realized recently is that it takes as much work to receive a gift as it is to give it. Depending on the person, it actually might be harder to receive than to give.

People have to adjust themselves to what the other person is offering. They may or may not be ready or willing to accept it.

But at all times, everyone must be honest with themselves about the transaction taking place, about what’s given and received.

I think so many relationships continue in a state where what’s being given isn’t actually accepted and what’s accepted wasn’t given in the first place.

For a dramatic concrete, take a look at Cherryl Brooks and James Taggart in Atlas Shrugged. Cherryl accepted that James was a brilliant industrialist and James gave her only an illusion. Over time, that relationship soured, as it had to. By Cherryl’s character, she could never adjust herself to what James wanted from her.

That’s an extreme example of this idea, but this same principle can manifest in much smaller ways: a meal paid for left unthanked, a kiss given left unmet, a delightful story shared left unappreciated. These kind of misses accumulate over time and change the nature of the relationship.

That’s why it’s so important for each person to be going the same direction independently. Both people will want to give and receive the stories, experiences, and gestures each person is offering. That’s what makes a relationship work.

I myself haven’t appreciated how important this is, but I do now. And I’m glad to have come to this realization.